[Cavtanker]

Originally Posted by skydriver

I second Shawn's comment.

Since it is the truth, I third the comment by brother Shawn.

[smartd]

The Official Canadian TemperatureConversion Chart

50º Fahrenheit (10C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.

35º Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.

32º Fahrenheit (0 C)
American water freezes.
Canadian water gets thicker.

0º Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60º Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mt..St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100º Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173º Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw thekeg.

-460º Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "Cold eh?"

-500º Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

[Hurriup!]

Ah Smartd I was enjoying it until the last line, you dirty dog!

[smartd]

Originally Posted by Hurriup!

Ah Smartd I was enjoying it until the last line, you dirty dog!

Well it has been forty years and the latest trades don't bring much hope.
On the other hand it has been a cold Winter.

[Hurriup!]

Originally Posted by smartd

Well it has been forty years and the latest trades don't bring much hope.
On the other hand it has been a cold Winter.

Well it's not THAT cold! Oh well I have been waiting this long what's another year,or two or three or four..........

[TopHat]

Originally Posted by Hurriup!

Ah Smartd I was enjoying it until the last line, you dirty dog!

I second that.....

[smartd]

Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.



The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."



The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."



The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."



The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."



But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts; no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.



Love election years.

[kabelace]

Dave really loved the last line there on the temp chart . Will be forwarding that on to a few people.

[swoop]

Originally Posted by kabelace

[11SQNLDR]

Women Are Evil By Nature...
An attractive woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard."
Are you the manager?" she asked, softly
stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and
slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "

There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."