[djjeffhall]

Cavtanker,
OH MY GAWD!!! That is so funny. Redneck engineering is right......

[Cavtanker]

It got rid of the bugs. Swingset was acceptable collateral damage.

[swoop]

Forgot to mention empty jam jars, don't wash, fill to three quarters and let nature take its course.:teufel021 :

[MoMo]

Mrs MoMo and i are just back from Galloway,

The campaign to rid the world of wasps took on a new dimension after a visit to LIDL.

I must digess at this point and explain to non-Europeans what Lidl is. Lidl is the best supermarket in the world. It is German. It invaded our shores several years ago ( without the usual preamble of waves os Stukas, Messerschmitts, Heinkels, etc. ) and proceded to win our hearts and cash by offering a bewildering array of goods from the continent.
They have fortnightly offers of machine tools, camping equipment, computers, horsie stuff, and so on....as well as continental groceries at rock-bottom prices.

This week was Lidl's Gardening bargains. I bought several slug motels as well as tons of gardening stuff and bug zapper!

I approached the entire campaign using the logic of the Imperial Startroops, led by Darth Vader. The enemy wasps on planet Byke would have to be attacked initially in a hit-and-run operation. I would then send in P.R. to assess the damage in two weeks time.

I approached the target ( the garden shed ) with great caution. I did not wish to alert enemy outposts that this was an attack, so I cunningly disguised the whole operation as a mere drop-off of supplies and equipment for further gardening projects. I skirted the wasp outposts by swerving round the azeleas and ornamental heather. They seemed to be sleeping, ha-ha-ha!

I traversed the rocky surroundings to the target shed, narrowly avoiding the disturbed earth ( last resting place of Skunky's Evil Gnome Skellington Army ) and unlocked the garden shed door.

Icy sweat trickled down my spine as the door creaked open. Good! The Byke had not grown. I could see that they were still in the initial stages of building the Death Star. Now, MoMo, Now!

I hesitated. I calculated that I would have two seconds to close the door once I had released the death rays. I still hesitated. I had heard stories about wasps do to trapped captives, and they were not pretty stories. I backed off sfor a second. I blanched. I turned.

Then I heard the voice....the voice of Biggles. " Hesitating is it you are? " " Target you must forget....Use The Force! "

I stalled no longer. I could feel The Force within me. I let the Bug Zapper spray out in all directions ( but mainly at the Death Star ) and slammed the door, locked it, and was back in the house drinking a cup of tea before the hellish legions could sally forth!

BUT, the campaign contra les Bugs was not over!

The next battle would be to reduce the numbers of Slugs which had made war on my violets and pansies.

ALL SLUGS MUST DIE!

First the minefield : slug pellets everywhere! Then the pillboxes : slug motels ( they check in; they never check out! )

The slug pellets were laid in a pttern to confuse and confound the enemy ( everywhere ). Next the slug motel were filled with best bitter ( beer ) and the roofs put on. ( they climb in, drink the bitter, get pissed, can't climb out and disintegrate )

Next morning I surveyed the results of my battle-plan : a scene of carnage too gory to relate on these pages. The enemy dead were strewn everywhere. Some had melted, some were in the process of melting. I did a quick body-count. I had done for about sixty of the varmints.

I quickly relaid some areas of mines, and we left shortly thereafter.

I had won the first skirmish, but shall I win the war? Time will solve that mystery.

[MoMo]

Mrs MoMo ( who has just read my last post ( Last Post for the slugs, thst is... ) wishes it to be known that while I was engaged in the Battle for the Stars, she was in the house ironing, cleaning, dusting, and doing all sorts of womanly stuff while I ( the warrior ) was battling to clean up Dodge City!

" A man must toil from dawn to dusk, but a woman's work is never done ".

[swoop]

Spinnaker, what's with this 'Roundup' thing.? How do you hog tie e'm.and how do you make a little lasso and do I have to go to the Shetlands to get the proper mount????.....sounds complicated and expensive. Think i'll stick with bowls and jam jars. If you don't mind.

[swoop]

MoMo, a sad epic of human endurance, a sweeping tale so episodical, the Iliad pales in awe of your penmanship. 'Gone With The Wind'. once favoured in countless washrooms of the world, will cede itself to the sheer brilliance of your insightful and dare I say it.' Moving experience'

[MoMo]

Yes, Swoop, I had to gird my loins as Hector had to do when faced with the challenge of Achilles. I was Achilles while the slugs were the Trojan hordes, challenged to battle by the trumpets of Illium.

" What burnished shield doth blight mine eyes?
What banner thus does serpent climb?

Athena stands in crimson and in white,
Hector in his greaves doth beat his sword.

We, to the death must run our course,
Groan and cheer curse thousands hoarse.

For sake of honour's challenge,
Do we now lay on with unsheathed arm. "

[Spinnaker]

Nothing complicated about it Swoop. Roundup is a weed killer spray made by Monsanto (sp?). Does a wonderful job on all kinds of plants, including weeds ;-)

Originally Posted by swoop

Spinnaker, what's with this 'Roundup' thing.? How do you hog tie e'm.and how do you make a little lasso and do I have to go to the Shetlands to get the proper mount????.....sounds complicated and expensive. Think i'll stick with bowls and jam jars. If you don't mind.

[MoMo]

Nothing complicated about it Swoop. Roundup is a weed killer spray made by Monsanto (sp?). Does a wonderful job on all kinds of plants, including weeds ;-)

Originally Posted by swoop


Spinnaker, what's with this 'Roundup' thing.? How do you hog tie e'm.and how do you make a little lasso and do I have to go to the Shetlands to get the proper mount????.....sounds complicated and expensive. Think i'll stick with bowls and jam jars. If you don't mind.

Dear Swoop,

use horse flies.